what i learned vlogging for 30 days
When you’re beginning something new, there’s noise in your brain that seems to drown you before you even get out to sea. The thing that’s always been a factor for me is this unwavering need not to make something that someone else has already made.
Generally, this is terrible advice.
Ever since I realized that there were certain things I wanted to see that didn’t exist, I’ve had this idea that I have as much of a right to say something as anyone else did before me. However, this feeling, coupled with not wanting to repeat anything that’s ever been done, is a recipe for inaction.
We don’t like inaction.
So, when I decided to start vlogging, I wanted to make it a reflexive process. It started with documenting my runs. This worked really well because I’d already been able to make working out and running a reflex. When the clock struck a certain time I walked out the door to my workout regardless of how I felt.
Brain off, body on.
Adding a new element to this would keep that reflex and force me to document without thinking 5 steps ahead or talking myself out of a potentially imperfect product. I never wanted to be Casey, or Emma, or Peter McKinnon. I had my phases of taking what I could from their experiences as well as my own entertainment, but I’ve always been weary of idolatry. The moment you put someone above you, is the moment you tell yourself that you can’t do that thing. The issue with this feeling is it’s more like a whisper. You see someone living the type of life you want and the more you watch them, the more a whisper says keep watching as your conviction in your own ability to do that same thing slowly evaporates.
It’s dangerous because we don’t hear it all at once.
Enter delusion. Scratch that. Enter trust. Everyone I’ve ever looked up to has put in 10 years of work to show their final product. I can either see it for the progressive 10-year iteration it actually is, or I can consume it in a matter of minutes and incorrectly compare where I am in my journey to where they are in theirs.
I learned this the hard way.
This summer I’ve shared more than I ever have, and that’s where the trust comes in - the trust that I’ll be better 30 videos in, than I am on day one when I hit record without any practice. It’s so obvious, but in the creative process, the obvious gets swiftly clouded by what we see around us. The battle with what already exists externally and the pure expression within.
“What I learned in boating school is..”
You don’t have to record everything. If you hung out with me on Friday then saw a vlog up a on Sunday, you might not have even noticed I was recording. It’s the snippets that you string together and the storytelling that matters most. Minutes of footage doesn’t mean you’re telling a better story or documenting your days more thoroughly.
Nobody cares what you’re doing. We know this one, but we need to be reminded. I won’t forget that New York helps in this particular category. I needed to let go of the person in me who was so critical of things on social that weren’t authentic. What we don’t realize is, the more critical you are of others, the more you apply that unrealistic standard to yourself. Here we again run into our old friend, inaction. This is a daily process - I’m not sure if it ever really goes away, but there’s only one way to find out.
Being truthful is easy. They say telling the truth is easy because you don’t have to remember all the stories that you’ve made up. Showing up that way on social is the same. When I started my YouTube channel the one rule was that I’d talk to the camera like I was talking to my friends. If I really wanted to do this, there would be no way I could do it in the long term without being exactly who I already am. It’s just easier. Tell the truth and trust that the people that have the same energy will find you. After 30 vlogs I can say that this is absolutely true. I’ve met people who I wouldn’t have normally met, connected with strangers over coffee that have become friends, and finally expressed things that I wasn’t sharing before.
You’re doing a lot more than you think you are. Somehow even after 15 vlogs I felt like I wasn’t doing anything. Yes, after the vlogs. After I had the concrete evidence staring right at me, I still felt like I wanted to do more. This took some perspective shifting. Another daily process of not comparing everything to everything. If you follow thousands of people on the internet, at some point it’s all going to mesh into this perfect life of everything you ever wanted. Your mind picks up all the pieces but can’t show you that each piece comes with the whole. If you ever wanted to trade lives with someone, just know that for whatever you decided to trade for, you’re getting the whole pie. Ten times out of ten you’d choose your own life in its entirety.
The vlogs are going to continue as long as they still feel authentic and the writing (this thing you’re reading right now) as well as the poetry, is absolutely going to continue. The momentum feels really good and I’m gonna keep pushing it as far as it can go.
As always, thanks for reading
N